Life is Messy

I wrote this a couple of months ago, but didn't have the desire to post it at the time.  A lot has changed since August, but a lot of the same questions linger with us.  I decided that since I haven't been very good at keeping in touch with so many people we love I would post this just in case anyone is curious about how our last few months have been in the new town.

It has been awhile since we have written an update and so much has changed! One word should give you the gist of what is happening around here...MESSY....and for those who know me well know that this is not a word I like to describe any aspect of my life. My house is clean, my appearance is put together, my daughter is dressed and has a bow to match her oufit (haha), I don’t forget things, etc.  But that has not been our life this past month and well I am not learning to live with it gracefully.  Nothing about the move went according to plan, we moved in just 2 days before Drew had to start the new school year.  Our lovely “move-in” ready house turned out to be a joke, and our bank accounts are feeling like we put them on a diet what with all the house expenses and having to get a second car.  I will add that some of this stuff did not come as a surprise, but when you put it all together we have been a hot mess and have missed important deadlines, etc. I know that it could always be worse, but right now we are just tired of the mess.

All of this has really made me for the first time in my life ask; WHY? Why this town God? What is here for us?  One thing I have learned a lot about this past month is sacrifice.  Drew had a taste of what it meant to put your spouse’s desires before your own, but this is really the first time where Drew’s career was the main reason why we moved.  When we moved to New England a few years ago, Drew took a boring job so that I could go to seminary and now Drew is working in a great school, but I am really struggling with what I am supposed to do in our new town. And, if I am being honest I have not been happy here. I have been ok with the move, but not happy.  Our search for a church family has been leaving me feeling very empty and sad.  One thing in particular that is making it so hard is that this time around we are choosing a church for our family and a potential future job (be that paid or volunteer for me).  Humans are not perfect and so no church is perfect, but we have found time after time that the churches take the children out of the service and as a parent I do not want my child to miss this communal, intergenerational time of worship.  So anyways, that has been hard and also it seems like everyone we have met has grown up around here (I am sure that there are other people who have moved here, but I just haven’t met them yet).  A part of me is jealous of the locals long history of living in one place and their access to extended family, but a larger part of me knows that a life like that is not what God has in mind for me or our family. However, the more we move the more I have realized how culturally diverse America is and the more complicated our life story has become.  Where are you from? Is not an easy question to answer, for I don’t think saying we are from any one state actually sums up who we are.  Yet, the one amazing thing that I have learned from my parents, my siblings and my own life is that family does not mean sharing the same blood or the same last name.  Wherever God has placed us we have built a rich community filled with people we cherish and love.  And, so here we are waiting and trusting that with time that will develop. It is not easy and most days I struggle, but we trust and dream for our future and presently give thanks for each other.

Our kiddos though seem to be enjoying the new house!